Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
