So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
