He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Randomize
