I want to have your abortion
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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