I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
