a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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