Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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