does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I believe in your delicious
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
