Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
