Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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