thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So vagazzling was a success
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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