it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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