he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just made my gag reflex go away.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
