my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize
