sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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