Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
