I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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