I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
and she was petting her beer can
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
