i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
