My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
