Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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