For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
