I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
