i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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