I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize