Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
