So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
