Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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