i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
