i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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