i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
