Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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