We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
