If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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