I'm lost and stupid without you.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She bit a glass in half.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
