im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I need to sanitize my soul.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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