theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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