I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
