sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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