btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
