I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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