a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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