If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
