I want you more than these girls want KFC
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
