I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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