Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
