Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
