I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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