I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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