im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
