I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
