I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
