I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
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Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.