Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....