fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
