I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx