Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize