I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
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I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
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We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great