I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize