Im at strip club and am horny
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
