So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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