Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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