And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
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He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
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Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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