you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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