did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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