Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
