Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
