hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
