drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
