just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
