gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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