I seem to have left my pride at pride
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
