i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
