I got chris browned last night
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
