I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
