the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
