were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Barsexuality is the new black.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
