Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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