She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Fuck me I smell like cheese
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
