If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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