I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
